I need...

I need...

• To figure out how to transcend the daily grind of some of my responsibilities. I love schedules and planning, and budget my time carefully, yet I often feel like I'm fighting a losing battle and can't keep up with all my homework. It is hard to be able to get it all done, even when I've scheduled every hour of the day.
• To chill and not take myself and my life so seriously sometimes. I feel often that I’m in a constant battle; on a good day it’s a battle to get everything done and take as much from my day as possible, on a bad day it’s a battle against wrong behaviors and thoughts. So much of life seems to be war. I just need to let God take my burdens, rather than turning to other outlets to numb my stress.
• To process anger and disappointment in a healthy and normal way. Nine times out of ten if I’m really angry about something, I listen to Korn to get that anger out. I mean, how the heck am I supposed to be totally angry in God’s presence? Do I just go somewhere and yell or what? I know David was completely honest with God, and even expressed very violent and dark wishes concerning the fate of his enemies to God. I’ve been wondering how to do that. I’m just beginning to learn what it is to really open up to people again, and learn to risk disappointment. I feel that part of me is closed off to others; I keep part of myself back in case they don’t come through. I want to know what it means to risk emotional attachment, and I think I’m just coming to that point.

• To have godly, edifying friendships with women and not be awkward around them. When I have romantic feelings for a girl and she doesn’t reciprocate, I need to be understanding. I should never let having or not having a girlfriend determine my identity, because only Christ can do that. So, I need to have the emotional backbone to just be friends, but I would also like the vulnerability of heart to open up to a woman who would reciprocate. It’s a paradox.

• To be emotionally honest about how I’m feeling; both with myself and others.

• To press into God more than I ever have before; for comfort, for solace, for companionship, for understanding, for strength, for joy.

• To completely leave the past behind, and move on to the future that God has for me.

• To discard old ways of coping, looking at things-a complete paradigm shift.

• To find freedom from the old ways of doing things.

• To be reborn, centered, confident, unafraid, regenerated.