Tonight I'm in a pensive mood. Today was a chill day, one of the last I'm likely to have for awhile, as I start a full-time job on Monday. Monday through Friday, I'll be getting up at 3am, leaving for work at 4am, getting to work shortly before 5am, and working from 5am to 3:30 pm. I'm extremely grateful for the opportunity to work full time!!! I will be a busy man though, especially when online grad school starts in late October. I'll end work at 3:30 pm, get home about 4:30, chill for an hour and a half, then do a few hours worth of school, get to bed at 8, then get up at 3am to do it all over again. But, such is life, and I'm prepared to face reality like a man, not some whiny kid who complains about having to hustle.
I wrote my ex-girlfriend a letter earlier this month. I spent 3 hours crafting a ten-page letter in which I clearly stated the feelings I had when we broke up, and apologized for my shortcomings in our relationship. It felt good, like I finally put my thoughts about my previous relationship to rest. I sent it, and I haven't heard back, which doesn't surprise me very much actually.
I've become increasingly aware of how easy it is to let other people define, direct, and diminish you. When you pin all your hopes on one person, when you revolve everything around them and saddle them with the job of fulfilling all your dreams, you will be in for major disappointment. I'm not just talking about romance-I'm talking about friends, authority figures, anyone. Everyone will let us down sometime. It's best to not be rocked by it too badly, I'm learning.
Of course, God is always there. I'm getting to the point where, before I whine to one of my friends about something that's bugging me, I pray. I think this is good. It's best to just give God our hearts. Love other people sure, but don't be too surprised if things don't work out with them the way you may have planned! Give of yourself to people, and then when you think you can't give more-ask God for strength, and GIVE MORE. But-don't get too upset if they don't reciprocate. So things didn't work out the way you wanted with a girl you liked? You didn't get the promotion you expected? (Or what have you). Forget it and move on. There are always other things to focus on; we ALWAYS have a choice as to how we will react to disappointment in life.
Theodore Roosevelt once said, "I have never spent an unhappy day, unless by my own fault." I love this quote, because I think it illustrates well how much our problems are a matter of our own perspective, and how much power we have over how we will respond to events. I'm not saying it's easy-believe me, I know it's not. I've had times where I've simply laid on the floor and stared at the ceiling for a few hours, paralyzed by depression or anxiety, unable to get out of the emotional hole I've fallen into.
I have a feeling that this is starting to sound like some PMA, New-Age crap. Sorry, I don't mean it to be. These thoughts aren't all that profound I know, but it's what I've been realizing lately, and I decided I would share it. Hope it helps you somehow.
It's very, very easy to get trapped in a victim mentality. Oh, poor me. I was disappointed, again. And again. And again. And AGAIN. Well, I suggest that you pray about it. It might help with perspective.